Changes and Reactions

Well, I was gonna post this with a little bit more backstory, or some sort of reflection or something like that, but my thoughts don't stay constant enough to commit them to writing quite yet. I kind of bounce around between extremes, and I'm not really sure where things will settle yet.

So Amy and I broke up. Just for reference, it happened last Thursday (the 9th) and basically we just talked about it and came to the general, somewhat temporary conclusion that it was a good idea. There was no fighting or anything, it actually went really smoothly as far as I'm concerned.

Now, I've been in contact with some of my readership since then and I admit I didn't mention this bit of important news. The thing is, it's not that I didn't mention it because it's overwhelmingly devastating to me or anything. I just find it so damn hard to fit it in to regular conversation! I figure I mustn't show much change of disposition or something, I don't really know.

I ended up telling Jordan, and it was just thrown into the conversation and made terribly awkward for him. I figured it wouldn't fit into Binkle's roommate comments so I never mentioned it to him then, so don't be offended Binks.

I probably could have mentioned while LANing it up with Liam and Jordan, since at that point Jordan already knew and Liam probably would find it more relevant than most others, since he got along well with Amy. Whenever Amy visited last year she would always be asking "where's Liam?", "can we visit Liam?", and "why aren't we with Liam right now?"

I visited Beth on Sunday as I was passing by, but she was heading out. I got a "hello hug" out of it anyway. So I visited again tonight since I hadn't talked to her for over a month, plus I wanted to tell her about me getting an individual interview for donning. Anyway, the point is I also figured she'd be a good source of wisdom on the subject of dating (for some reason girls always seem to have more enthusiasm such things in any case) but I find there is no good way to pop that info into a general conversation! She also seemed busy, so I wanted to make sure I didn't overstay my welcome. Mind you I've found for the longest time I get dry-mouthed and rambling at odd times around Beth, so perhaps my failure to deliver the package should be more expected.

The point is that for some reason I'm not very good at giving the people around me the update. So I figured I'd make a post and let the rumor mill do its thing. So have at it!

As for details, I will sparsely provide them, and then answer more inquiries when things get hammered out. Amy and I agreed to have dinner on Tuesday and "decide" whether its a good idea to really break up, kind of a follow up sort of thing. We're both being cautious, I guess because we've been together for so long (2 years, 4 months and change) and neither of us has had such a serious break-up before.

Reactions on my part? Well, I didn't plan on doing that, especially since things are kind of up in the air, plus I'm not really set on anything yet. Here we go anyway, we'll see what I come up with. I've got a good Billy Joel playlist on and I'd like to let it run through.

On Thursday night I was pretty depressed about things. I had been semi-planning this sort of thing for a while, but after we had decided I realized how long we'd been together. It felt like a lot to give up, and a lot of change. One of my main gripes with the relationship was the fact that Amy always wanted to spend so much time together and I wanted to do other things, but upon the immediate reflection after a breakup that seems rather trivial.

I was feeling down on Friday too, but it's hard for me to determine how much of that was the breakup and how much of that was the pressure of my imminent Saturday morning midterm. I did dinner with Jordan and Binks, and then a Sobey's trip that was rather chilly. (Weather wise, it was a jovial trip otherwise) For the rest of the night I hammered my nose to the books and got studying. I talked to Amy on MSN while I studied, just kind of chatting back and forth about how we were feeling about stuff. We've been pretty openly communicating since Thursday, which is good because I'd rather make this as a rational decision. Amy seemed much more agreeable about the decision than I expected on Thursday, though I think she may do some back-peddling before Tuesday. We'll see.

Saturday I awoke bright and early for my 8:30 midterm and got in some last minute studying. It went quite well, despite my tiredness and by 10:30 (when it was over and I was home) I felt great. I thought about looking up where Waterloo's Remembrance Day ceremony was going down, but I figured I wouldn't be able to get there in 20 minutes anyway. The rest of Saturday was just plain awesome, I LANned it up with Jordan and Liam all afternoon, went to hockey at 7:00 (and scored) did my laundry and cleaning when I got back and then went and saw Talladega Nights (good movie) for free with Warrior Weekends. A good day, and I was starting to feel better about being single and sexy.

On Sunday I was awoken at 11:00 by my phone. My parents were offering to take me out for lunch and then home for supper since they had a big roast for tonight. Clearly this was sympathy since I told my mom about me and Amy on Friday, but I felt like having a few good meals. They told me they'd pick me up at 12:30, which was awesome because I wanted to visit Beth that day anyway and I figured the best time would be the present. I got myself fed, washed and generally hygienic and headed on out. However, as mentioned somewhere way above she was heading out that day (family stuff) and needed to change and get going. I was all like "that's fine, I was just passing by" (I'm so nonchalant). I did get a hug for reasons I can't quite stick my finger on, which somehow made me feel good for the rest of the day. Well, that and playing NHL 2004 with my dad and GoldenEye with Stu. But it was mostly the hug for some reason.

Today was all classes all day, but it went well enough. During Saturday and Sunday I felt good because I was distracted from the current situation, but today I think I've started really feeling like we're doing the right thing. I was worried before that I wouldn't ever find anybody else that I would really get along with, but I think staying in a relationship because you feel like you have no choice won't make that relationship very pleasant. Especially since I'm the kind of guy who always has a "plan B." I like to know where the fire exits are, if you know what I mean. So while I don't have any particularly negative feelings toward Amy, I think I'm feeling a lot more set in the decision. We'll see what happens tomorrow, I'll keep you posted.

I guess my princess is in another castle.